Apologies in advance, and please skip over this post if you wish, but I have warned you: I am going to have a little rant here…
When I became single, it really was fine – not that it happened often, just 2 or 3 times so far in my life. And I revelled in it! I had the opportunities to rediscover myself, build my self esteem up again, and go on a shagging spree… YAY!
As a free bird (I’m thinking Lynyrd Skynyrd rather than the derogatory “bird = chick = woman”) I can cope with the lack of compromises I have to make, I can cope with my huge king size bed being empty except for the indent of my body in the middle… hell, I can even cope with waking up in the morning and not having stinky breath in my face, or having a dead weight literally on top of me, heavy legs and arms out from which I must drag myself unceremoniously (call me old-fashioned, but beds are for getting a good night’s sleep, innit – the rest of the house is for, ahem…).
However, what I absolutely CAN’T cope with, after having been single for a couple of years, is when there is a chance that I might actually like a guy, who SEEMS to actually like me in return (which he does), but then it turns out that, despite all the good vibes that I’m reading, and our intelligent and witty conversation, that very same guy then turns round and tells me that he just “wants a little fun”.
I mean… WHAT IN THE FUCK?!
You know, sex is really easy to find in this century – it’s practically coming out of my ears (no pun intended). I could dial a few numbers any time of day and get “jiggy with it” with whomever I want, more often than not.
I just don’t want any of them right now. Because I’m not looking for physical stimuli – I’m looking for something more… emotional, personal, spiritual. I’m looking for my partner in crime 🙂
And I know that we all go through different things in life and that sometimes it really isn’t the right moment for one of us, the other of whom may be a few steps closer to being ready to settle down. It takes time to heal from old emotional wounds – I have them, that’s for sure! It’s why I didn’t feel ready to commit, to anyone (even myself), until now. I get it.
I just don’t get, though, how every time I finally feel that I can let my guard down slightly with a guy, to see if it’s more than just friendship, that it just turns out I am so wrong. While I see the potential of a relationship with them, they usually underline that it’s all “just a bit of fun” for them.
So, I’m really wondering, is there neon marker scrawled across my forehead that only guys see that states, “Good Time Girl”?!
Written content is © All rights are reserved. August 2017.