Impossible relationships lead me to ask myself, “What is wrong with me?”
Following on from my previous post, Will it ever happen?, I keep coming a cropper* where relationships with men are concerned.
I mean, I really do wonder whether I have a sign hanging over my head – neon, that’s only visible to men, saying, “If you’re a single guy, stay away from me. But if you’re married, or attached, go on, flirt with me, try get in my pants – I dare you!”
And then they usually do, those married or attached men.
So, I ask the question again: “What is wrong with me?”
I suppose you could also ask: “What is wrong with them?” Why is it that I seem to attract men who are already with someone? And why is it so difficult for a single guy to approach me, to ask me out?
Like, is it just me, or does everyone think this world has gone completely topsy turvy??
When did it become okay for married guys to flirt outrageously? When did it become okay for a single lady to never get asked out? When did guys get so insecure about their place in society that they don’t have the gumption to ask a lady out with respect, instead of leering in a very disgusting manner? Why isn’t it okay for women to say no, and for a man to accept it and move on, but not be offended and so will try again?
These are the guys who make me feel like I have missed out on having someone in my life. These are the guys who make me wish that I had stayed around in one place, that I hadn’t lived in 5 different countries in my life, and gone on to experience the world the way in which I have done so far. These are the guys who make me believe that there are many, many more people out there for everyone, not just one person. They are the guys that make me believe that humans were never meant to be monogamous.
But, take my word for it, that is a momentary lapse of reason on my part – I have no regrets about my life, except maybe that I didn’t do more.
Moreover, there is a strong sense of the libertine inside of me. I love a lot of people, for many different reasons – each of us has something to offer, that others may not, so why do we feel, as a society, as a breed, that there is only one person who is meant for each of us? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe society is wrong. Maybe we aren’t meant to be with just one person for our entire lives? I mean, I’m not necessarily talking “marriage”, here, just companionship. However, if we were speaking of marriage, then even the bible says there are different forms of marriage, and even “[…] the nation of Israel sprang from Jacob’s union with 4 women.”:
Relationships. They are tricky. They involve emotions. And wider society.
But I seem to be blessed with impossible relationships – they are just impossible, not tricky. Guys I meet online who live 1,000 plus kilometres away, or back in the UK (eurgh, the country has a lot to answer for right now), with whom I hit it off so well, it hurts. Guys who “keep me in reserve” – as we are all guilty of, I believe, when we are with someone else; we want to make sure we know where to look afterwards. Don’t deny it.
Married men, meh… or even, now I think about it, men who are older than me, perhaps some 20 years or more – I think they think that I am too young for them, that they would “hold me back” and I would later resent them for it… and I can throw in divorced men with kids in with that group too. Frankly, the reasons for these impossible relationships astound me.
Am I really “too much to handle” for some guys? Am I too late for others? Am I just too vibrant and full of life that they are scared to take on the Jojo Challenge?? I mean, REALLY?!
I want to dare them all. I want them to stop making excuses and take up the challenge.
I currently live in a country that is heavy with married people – I am the only single person in my company (there are just 17 employees, but still). It is also quite acceptable, though unspoken, for a lot of married men over here to have a mistress – the married couple give the impression of a “happy married life” but they don’t share the same bed anymore; and this is perceived as “normal”?! I can’t say that I would ever be happy as a mistress – I want someone’s full attention! That’s the dominant side of my personality you’re getting a glimpse of there…
So, men, pull your socks up please. Married men – stop flirting with me; it’s totally unfair! Because I usually do fancy you, but my morals scream, “NO!” Single men, please, for the love of this planet, do not ever send me a photo of your cock as a way to introduce yourself! Please ask respectfully if a lady would like to go out some time – and don’t be offended if she says no; at least you bloody tried! Where would any of us be in life had we not taken that first step, had we not tried?
I know, I know. If women had not had to fight for their rights and become emancipated over the last century or so, then men would not be so confused about their place in the world. I mean, let’s face it – women do not actually NEED men anymore; we can even reproduce without them. That’s obviously not to say that we do not WANT them – of course we do… imagine a world of women only… EEEK!
So, in my opinion, it is essentially the whole feminisation of the world that has basically made mice of men in the 21st century, not to mention the contraceptive pill being used over the last 40 years; our water is being poisoned with estrogen, and we now have more a-sexual and androgynous men than we ever had before.
I feel sad that we have come to the stage in humanity where men do not really know where they stand in the typical family structure anymore. In turn, that has dimmed their confidence when it comes to asking women out in a respectful manner, and they resort to the childish teasing ways, of when you like someone, you’re nasty to them.
While writing this, I am put in mind of Tori Amos’ song, “Real Men”:
I have never really known chivalry. I was born into an age of male insecurity. It would be nice to one day be respected and appreciated as both a human being and a woman.
*to fail at some venture – http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/come-a-cropper.html