I recently became single – and I am not sure how to behave… to clarify:
I really love aspects of being single – I love having my own time, my own space, my own stuff to do, whenever I want to do it… I enjoy reading good books, in which I can get lost for hours, and listening to all sorts of music – yes, all sorts – from Nina Simone and Sade, to Underworld, to Sphongle, to Michael Nyman’s, “The Piano”, to Kyuss and Eagles of Death Metal, to the Wu Tang Clan and Tu Pac. I enjoy painting and drawing, or sleeping and waking whenever I want to, and without feeling guilty that I have a job, or upset that someone else gets to lie in bed for longer than I do…
The beauty of being single: one does not need to compromise for or consider someone else.
But then, I got to thinking… isn’t that also supposed to be the beauty of being with someone – that you have to consider them, to communicate and to compromise with them, for the benefit of both of you? That the person you are with allows you to grow, to solve your own problems but still be there to support you the whole way through? Isn’t your partner supposed to have your back, to know you inside out so you don’t have to feel bad about leaving them to it while you head off with friends for a few hours? Or is this just a fairy tale relationship, like those that only happen in the movies or in series, that doesn’t really exist for the every day person?
Yes, I am an independent woman. Yes, I love doing my own things, in my own time. Yes, I am an egalitarian.
But actually, I couldn’t even stop myself from thinking, “Oh well, I’ll have to dust off the space on that shelf again…”
I know some of my independent, feminist-type friends would be all over me like a rash if I admitted this to them – “What?? You don’t need a man to validate you!! You need to discover who you are – only you can make yourself happy!”
Well, like “D’oh, of course I don’t ‘need’ a man or a partner in my life, but that doesn’t stop me ‘wanting’ one, someone who can compliment me, someone who will be strong when I am weak, and vice versa.” I have done everything on my own my whole life, why can’t I want someone to take some of the slack off?? Is that so wrong?!
And who the hell are you to say that in the first place??
While I get that from my lovely female friends, I also get the following dreaded questions from even random people I meet everywhere who don’t really know me at all…
“So, you don’t want to get married?”
“When are you having kids then?”
The assumption that I will both a) get married and b) have children just grates on me, not in the least because you make me feel like it’s somehow my fault that I am neither married nor have kids.
Why do you do this to us, people, why?! There are loads of variables, none of which mean much without a huge dollop of luck, and then some…
At the end of the day, I know who I am, and I have so much fun – unbelievable amounts of fun! But I live in a country with an official population of ca. 508,000 – you think I’m likely to find a partner in this tiny country where the majority of people come here to either a) settle down and start a new family, or b) retire?! The odds are clearly not in my favour!
So, as one great postcard points out:
“While all my friends are having babies, I’m planning my next adventure around the world!”
Rant over – peace out xx